


Honest Feelings

by OrdainedCrownie



Series: A Discussion In Honesty [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brief appearances from Percy and Jarret., F/M, Spoilers for Episode 83 & 84
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9636779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrdainedCrownie/pseuds/OrdainedCrownie
Summary: After speaking with Vex'ahlia, Cassandra checks up on Kynan to discuss how he is fitting into Whitestone and Kynan offers up some of his own honesty, much to our baby De Rolo's surprise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set either just before dusk of the day for Vex and Percy's talk. Yes this is pretty much in the same day. What can I say, D&D characters can get a lot done in one day.

“Please send for Kynan Leore, I wish to speak to him.”

 

There was rushed knocking on her door barely minutes later as Cassandra lifted her head from her mountain of papers.

 

“Come in.” Kynan stood in the doorway still dressed in his Whitestone armour kindly given to him by Jarret. The young boy almost looked like a kid in his fathers clothes but the way he held himself said otherwise as he closed the door behind him before straightening as he spoke.

 

“My lady Cassandra? You sent for me?”

 

Cassandra nodded before noting that he was still fully armoured. “I hope I didn’t pull you away from your training with Master Howarth?”

 

Kynan shook his head, his hand resting on the hilt of his sheathed sword at his side absently. “No we had just finished up when you sent for me. Is everything all right? Has something happened?”

 

Cassandra chuckled softly, gesturing to the chair in front of him. “Have a seat Kynan.”

 

Cassandra watched Kynan pause for a moment seemingly regarding something before he took a seat, making sure his sword didn’t dig into his hip as he did so. He tussled his short ash blond hair, which was a stark contrast as his skin had darkened perhaps from spending more time outdoors showing signs of sunburn where the sunrays had caught pale skin. Dark brown eyes scanned the room almost subconsciously as he waited patiently for Cassandra to speak.

 

Cassandra waited until his eyes returned to her before she spoke. “I wished to know how you are faring in your new role? Is everything as you expected? Your quarters are adequate?”

 

Kynan recognised the professional tone in her voice and stood up straight, while he was still young in comparison to her, he still held himself with a man whom had experienced much in his life.

 

“Yes my lady. I had not expected much from the position.”

 

“You mean to say that it is too easy?”

 

Kynan panicked, his mouth opening and closing. “No.... No… my apologies I’m not very good at this. I mean to say I have come from nothing so I have come to expect nothing in my life. I am most appreciative of what you have given me Lady Cassandra.” Cassandra felt a pang of guilt as Kynan downcast his eyes to the grooves on her desk, his finger running against it, feeling the wood form beneath his skin.

 

He had mentioned he had a troubled childhood dealing with an abusive father whom had a love for liquor. Kynan had said if he hadn’t been enamoured by Vox Machina he suspected he would’ve joined his father’s footsteps.

 

Cassandra had been grateful for her upbringing, never looked down upon by her siblings, they had been a close family that was all she could’ve asked for. Then she had it all taken away from her in in one night. Never able to say goodbye or bury them properly. She was left staring at cold lifeless bodies as she hid away from the Briarwoods men. She had felt the guilt as she heard the screams of servants; their bodies run through with blades as the Briarwoods men cleaned house with anyone standing in their way.

 

It seemed that fate had decided that the two of them should meet. Both from very different backgrounds but the common theme they carried with them was the regret and guilt of their actions.

 

Cassandra cleared her throat again, biting her lip. “I’m glad to hear it is to your liking then.”

 

Kynan nodded, shifting in the seat uncomfortably. He had never been one to sit still in one place so to be so pleased to be made her bodyguard had bewildered her at the time. The council had appointed the boy as her protector during crisis meetings for they feared a repeat of the Rakshasa incident for if they did not have Vox Machina there they did not want to imagine what sort of damage they could’ve caused. Cassandra had brought up the point of that the Rakshasa was only there due to Vox Machina’s presence in the castle but then the meeting when Raishan was revealed quieted her protests.

 

A green dragon had managed to slip through their own defences despite what they had set up to keep Whitestone away from prying eyes. While the council agreed that this was due to Vox Machina, she couldn’t disagree that Whitestone had become a target now no matter what the adventuring party did now.

 

So it was decided that each member of the council would have a bodyguard of sorts, one to keep an eye on each member for safety and security. Jarret Howarth was assigned to Gilmore, Lady Kima was assigned to Allura or Drake if Kima was absent with Vox Machina and finally Kynan was assigned to Cassandra.

 

Cassandra found out later from Kynan that Vax’ildan had requested him to keep an eye on her. Cassandra suspected the man felt guilty for allowing the boy to go astray due to his own actions by punishing the boy for his exuberance. This had led the boys path into Anna Ripley which set the course the actions he now dealt with internally.

 

Cassandra shivered when she remembered the woman whispering in her ear, the taunts the woman had continually thrown her way for her own enjoyment. Even with her death it seemed she still managed to leave her mark long after her departure.

 

“How has the rifle training been going?” Kynan sighed rubbing his eyes.

 

“Difficult. I can only thank the gods that we only had two near misses and three misfires today. I’d like to think we are making progress with what we have. I am most appreciative of your brothers help, my lady.”

 

Cassandra growled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “If only he stuck around long enough.”

 

“I’m sure he has every intention of returning to you.”

 

Cassandra sighed heavily before giving Kynan a grim smile. “So far he has been doing a poor job.” Cassandra still couldn’t shake the memory of seeing her brother rising from the table in the temple, his eyes catching hers and she could see the pain he hid.

 

For all of Percy’s masks Cassandra knew him all too well to know when he tried to hide things from her. He’d never been good at lying to her before so he certainly wouldn’t start now. He had just become very good at neglecting to give her the details in an effort to save her the pain of worrying over him.

 

“Kynan. How did my brother die?” Kynan stared hard at the desk before taking a deep breath, wringing his hands before he spoke.

 

“Lady Ripley had this gun, she claimed it would help her against Vox Machina. I only caught a glimpse of it but she would talk to it a lot like she was having a conversation with it.”

 

“Did it have multiple barrels?” Kynan nodded and Cassandra cursed under her breath. It seemed Ripley had replicated the same gun Percy had before it had been thrown into the acid.

 

Kynan continued, watching Cassandra warily. “I remembered seeing smoke wrap around Ripley like a cloak, as it fired at Percy. He fell even as she continued to fire until the smoke seemed to snatch something right in front of my eyes. I can’t explain what I saw but-“

 

“It didn’t happen to look like a large smoke monster did it now?” Kynan nodded again and Cassandra now stood up from her chair, moving to stand near the window, watching snow drift down the glass.

 

“I’ve never seen anything like it before.” Kynan said softly.

 

Cassandra turned on the spot to see Kynan had not moved from his seat, but his attention solely on her. “I regret to say I have. I have fought this entity before. I thought we had banished it but it seems it managed to linger on. I fear even now it is not fully destroyed.”

 

Kynan furrowed his brow in confusion. “You fought it?”

 

Cassandra chuckled half-heartedly, “My brother had made a pact with the very same demon five years ago before.”

 

Kynan’s face went pale as he eyes went wide. “He made a pact with that thing?”

 

Cassandra gave him another grim smile. “Not one of his proudest moments I’m sure. He explained it had come to him in a dream, promising vengeance and in the dream he never expected it to become true.”

 

“I don’t think any of us could imagine an entity such as that to actually exist in this world let alone four ancient dragons.”

 

Cassandra nodded grimly and with a heavy sigh “You are correct, Kynan. We live in strange times, who knows what else might rise upon us.”

 

Cassandra shuddered, remembering how the Briarwoods had spoken about creating a ritual to bring in their master to this world. The same black orb of death they had created now continued to spin ominously in the depths of the castle. Cassandra still feared what it could possibly do if it were to activate or be activated.

 

They had thrown everything at that orb to see what it was capable of but all it seemed to do was swallow anything that tired to come near it. Cassandra didn’t want to think about what power was really behind the orb.

 

Could it be that the demon that had taken control of her brother be the same entity? Was it using him for its own gains or was something more sinister hiding behind the orb waiting for it’s time to strike?

 

They didn’t know enough about the orb and that was what terrified her, probably more than what four ancient dragons had been capable of.

 

Kynan’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Have you spoken to your brother?”

 

Cassandra shook her head. “He has barely spared me a word as of yet, unless you count a brief hug and words when he looked like death warmed up trying to get the gate stone.”

 

_Kynan remembered Percy bursting into the room as they spoke, not caring that they two had been in discussion before he asked for the gate stone. Cassandra had just stared at Percy, as he stood in his torn blue coat in tatters, a large gash across his tunic as the rest of his clothing were evident of the fight between Raishan, which Vox Machina had mentioned they would attempt. His snow white hair had been matted with blood and mud, with scratches and cuts along his face so it was a surprise to see him burst him so unlike Percy._

_Cassandra had mentioned when he had returned before looking equally bloodied he had given her a tight hug despite her protest of how unclean he was. But Cassandra looked almost shell shocked that it took Percy’s loud voice to get through to her._

_Percy strode into the room, his hand outstretched as he approached her desk. “Cassandra, I need the gate stone.”_

_Cassandra narrowed her eyes in worry. “Percy! What happened to you?”_

_Percy had rolled his eyes and barked at her. “Cassandra, Gate Stone now.”_

_Cassandra huffed, standing up from her seat even as her brother seemed to reel back for a moment as she closed the gap between them and scolded him. “Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski De Rolo The Third, you do not come in here demanding what you want when you want it, when you look like death warmed up. You will answer me.”_

_Percy blinked rapidly not expecting to be at the forefront of his sisters’ outburst. He sighed heavily, putting a softer tone into his voice before he pleaded, his hands moving to brace against her arms. “Cassandra, Scanlan is dead. Please we don’t have much time. His daughter needs to see him.”_

_Cassandra paused searching his expression but only found regret and exhaustion written across his face. She reached into her pocked clasping the gate stone in her hands, feeling it’s smooth surface press against her skin before she reluctantly handed it to her brother._

_He clutched the gate stone before moving forward to envelop Cassandra in a tight hug. She didn’t resist too numb to really take in what he was doing as he pressed a kiss to her hair._

_“Thank you Cassandra. I know you are concerned about me but I need to do this for Scanlan.” Cassandra nodded in her brothers’ embrace before pulling back and pushing him away._

_“Go.” Percy staggered back before giving her a small smile and rushing from the room. What her brother seemed to miss, as the door slammed behind him was Cassandra collapse into her chair to cry._

_She couldn’t keep doing this. She couldn’t keep watching her brother return to her looking worse for wear each time only to tell her he was fine. He wasn’t fine and it was tearing her apart each time he tried to save her from the pain._

 

“I believe he is truly terrified of what I remind him of. I remind him of the guilt of leaving me behind. I am the embodiment of everything he had avoided in his life.”

 

Kynan reached out touching her hand briefly. “You don’t truly believe that do you?”

 

Cassandra hung her head, sighing softly. “This is also the same brother whom barely spared me a word as he asked for the gate stone. If he could he would avoid me forever if his guilt didn’t keep pulling him back here. He has had a taste of the freedom to his life that he’s never allowed himself to experience and now refuses to let go. I can’t keep him here, as much as I need him to be here. It’d be like caging a wild animal.”

 

Kynan squeezed her hand, as he clasped it between his fingers, their fingers intertwining. “I can’t say much about your brother but I know he still cares for you. Despite the fear he may have with you, he wouldn’t risk his life everyday to keep Whitestone safe unless he had something else to keep alive other than himself. I know of only one time currently that he put his life on the line to tie up loose ends but I’m sure you can account for more. My point is that despite the burden he has placed upon you he knows you are the one better suited for it.” Cassandra nodded, her eyes fixed upon their hands clasped together.

 

“Lady Cassandra, you are not alone in carrying this burden either. You have me as well.” Cassandra lifted her head to meet his just as he lowered his head to her level.

 

Kynan began stammering when he caught her gaze. “If you allow that of course I wouldn’t want to push that upon you.”

 

Cassandra laughed quietly, leaning her head against his shoulder if just for a brief moment. “I had thought I would be alone in this world. Now I have a brother, a family no matter how dysfunctional this one is and someone I can rely upon. This is certainly not how envisioned my life being.”

 

This time it was Kynan who chuckled, leaning his head against hers. “I can certainly agree with that.”

  
“You’ve come a long way Kynan.” Cassandra regarded, pulling her head back for a moment.

 

_She remembered the day she had met Kynan only briefly as he stood in the shadow of the church when she had rushed to see her brother rising on the altar. She remembered the solemn face withdraw when her eyes caught his as she passed by. She had wondered at the time why he had pulled back so sharply at her simple presence but she later found her answer._

_Master Jarret Howarth had introduced the boy to her when she had made her rounds of Whitestone. She could see the boy’s cheeks were red from harsh training with the sword, clearly unused to using such a large blade._

_“Master Howarth, I see you are training a new pupil.” The sun kissed guard bowed and nodded at Cassandra; his Marquetian accent curled the words as he spoke._

_“A gift from Vox Machina. Master Vax’ildan bestowed the boy upon me. Apparently the boy needs a bit of backbone behind him.” Cassandra’s eyes had flicked to young boy who looked not much younger than her, but he downcast his eyes when he caught her gaze._

_“What is your name?” The boy lifted his head almost immediately like a deer in headlights. Cassandra had seen fear like his before; it was the all too familiar look of fearfulness when she had been captured by the Briarwoods._

_The boy stammered as he spoke, shifting n the spot before Jarret clapped him hard on the back for reassurance. “Kynan Leore, ma’am.”_

_“A pleasure to meet you, Kynan Leore. Have you used a sword before?”_

_Kynan tilted his head curiously at Cassandra for a moment, his hand resting on his belt as he regarded her. “I am more inclined to smaller blades, Ma’am.”_

_Cassandra smirked when her eyes caught two small daggers sitting at his belt and then her eyes caught something even more interesting. A familiar belt that she had remembered a certain elf wearing around his waist now gleamed back at her as it sat around Kynan’s waist. Kynan’s fingers wrapped around the belt almost self-consciously as he followed her eyes._

_“Master Vax’ildan gave this to me. He said I had earned my second chance.” Cassandra waited for him to elaborate but he said no more as he pulled out the daggers from his belt, flipping them into his hand now seeming more comfortable with familiar weapons._

_“A wonderful gift, He must be proud of you.” Kynan lowered his head staring at the ground in silence._

_Cassandra cleared her throat, pulling her hand behind her back. “I should like to see your prowess in the blades one day.” Kynan blinked in surprise for a moment his expressions blank._

_He mulled over her words before bowing. “I should very much like that, Lord Cassandra.”_

_  
“You may return to your duties.” Cassandra nodded at Master Howarth whom offered her a small bow jut as the Lady walked back into the castle._

Kynan laughed softly, gently letting go of her hand as he took his seat just as Cassandra returned to hers. “I came here guilt ridden of my actions on Glintshore. I’d like to think that I have at least redeemed myself.”

 

Cassandra blushed, looking away for a moment. “Kynan we are no strangers to guilt. We have both been given a second chance to redeem ourselves. The issue is within us not those around us. We first must forgive ourselves before we can even think to redeem ourselves to others.”

 

Kynan shifted in his seat unsure what to say but simply stare as Cassandra’s hand slid over his. She felt him hesitate and she fully expected him to wrench his hand away thinking she was wrong but his hand remained albeit shaking beneath hers even as he blushed as he spoke.

 

“Do you think we are redeemable?” Cassandra laughed softly, squeezing his hand gently before she quietly spoke.

 

“That’s up to us. Those around us seem to think so.” Kynan nodded slowly for a moment before looking up with a smile.

 

“Thank you Lady Cassandra.”

 

“Please Kynan you may call me Cassandra.”

 

‘Thank you Cassandra.”

 

The two fell into awkward silent before Cassandra cleared her throat.

 

“I shouldn’t keep you from your free time, I’m sure you have much to do.”

 

“I don’t really have much to do other than protect you my lady.” Cassandra coughed feeling heat rise in her cheeks even as Kynan stood up in alarm.

 

“Cassandra-“

 

“I’m okay Kynan, just a little surprised, I’m glad you take the role seriously. “ Cassandra paused for a moment before she spoke again. “Would you like to join me for a drink?” Kynan paused from where he stood before bowing.

 

“It would be my pleasure.” He moved around the table and offered his arm Cassandra giggled feeling giddy as she rose from her seat and taking his offered arm as they exited her office.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this took so long I was ill the first week of the year and I was really struggling to write this interaction as this has gone through about two different iterations so far. I hope you like it, it was lengthier than I expected so I'm hoping it makes sense.


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